Dropping your youngest off at college or walking your child down the aisle are emotional moments that mark major transitions in your household and family—of course there will be tears.

But the empty nest brings more than an emotional sea change: A quiet home after years of joyful chaos takes some getting used to. Plus, a streamlined schedule and shorter grocery list may feel strange. At the same time, this adjustment can usher in new types of fulfillment and excitement.

Here, we’ll share what three empty nesters have learned about this new phase, along with their advice for managing the transition.

The Surprising Joys of the Empty Nest

Denise Graab was surprised by happiness and excitement in her move to empty nest status. “I thought the transition would only be marked by grief, sadness, loneliness and identity crisis,” says Graab, whose daughter is about to graduate college and lives over 300 miles away. “We are still obviously parents, but now we have more freedom to orient our lives around ourselves and what we want to do today, rather than the daily activities and needs of our child—and we’re having fun with it.”

After parenting eight children, Kim Wilson was surprised by her relief when her youngest child graduated. She even felt a bit guilty for it. “Some of our older kids had challenging teen years,” Wilson says. “I just never realized how much stress I had internalized over parenting through [that time].”

For JoAnn Jordan, the transition represented a time of openness and exploration. To that end, she encouraged her daughter to leave the nest, even though she chose to attend college in her hometown.

“We understood that she needed the freedom to navigate her own experiences without us monitoring every coming and going. It was crucial for her personal growth to have this time to figure things out independently,” Jordan says.

“I’ve come to deeply treasure the adult relationship we now share. It’s a beautiful exchange where we take turns listening to one another.”

In Sickness, Health, and Caregiving

Even with the surprising joys of this new era, many empty nesters encounter bumps in the road. 

For Wilson, watching her spouse adjust was more challenging than she expected: “He’s been the primary caregiver the last several years—driving the teenagers to work, school and appointments. He has a full time remote job, so his primary interactions revolved around the kids.”

Jordan experienced some challenges in the initial stages of empty nesting, but her journey took a significant turn when she became widowed.

“Navigating through the discovery of who I am and what I want from this new chapter in life has been a more prolonged and introspective process than I anticipated. This was not the future we had envisioned,” she says.

The experience opened Jordan’s eyes to the importance of open conversations with adult children about death, personal wishes and other topics that many of us prefer to avoid. 

When Jordan’s daughter moved away for her master’s and doctoral studies, they had to adapt communication so she could still be included in her father’s medical journey. This required deeper levels of conversation, Jordan says.

While these vulnerable talks can be tricky and uncomfortable at the beginning, they also present an opportunity for a transition into a more adult-level relationship.

What to Do With Worry

While some adult children like Jordan’s daughter worry about leaving their parents behind in difficult circumstances, Graab has found parental worry challenging.

“You go from knowing where your child is every day at all times, to having a rough idea of what she’s up to/where she’s at, and things being more at her discretion on how much we know about her daily life,” she says.

Thankfully for Graab, some relatives live nearby and keep her posted on how her daughter is doing: “I still worry that something may happen to her and I may not know fast enough—though I may have a skewed view from watching too many true crime stories!” 

Any empty nester will experience some level of adjustment in this period. Leverage tech tools like FaceTime or WhatsApp to walk through these transitions and stay connected across miles and conflicting schedules.

Navigating “Adulting” Tasks and Money

Legal documentation is part of every life stage whether we like it or not, and Graab encourages all new empty nesters to prioritize advance directives and vehicle registration.

“Once [your children turn] 18, you no longer have guaranteed access to their medical information and the ability to make medical decisions for them,” Graab says. That’s why it’s crucial to discuss legal and medical considerations with your young adult. Ensure they’ve completed the documentation to enable you or another relative to receive medical information and make healthcare decisions in an emergency.

Empty nesters should also protect themselves by transferring auto insurance and registration to their young adult driver(s). Should an accident occur and your child is at fault, the other party may be more likely to pursue litigation if the car is registered in the parents’ names—and therefore tied to more assets.

Selling her house and downsizing was a major step in Jordan’s empty nest transition. This meant ensuring essential legal documents were in place—like wills, healthcare surrogacy, and power of attorney—to give her daughter what she describes as “a solid foundation in ‘adulting’.”

“Teaching life skills like laundry, cooking, and cleaning might seem straightforward, but guiding them in managing their own finances is equally crucial,” Jordan says.

Help your adult child move toward financial independence through conversations about budgeting, accountability and the importance of planning ahead.

New Relationship Dynamics

For Jordan, relationship shifts started before her daughter moved out. 

“The evolution of my relationship with my daughter from a parent-child dynamic to a parent-adult friend began during her senior year of high school,” Jordan says.

“Although I sometimes found myself reverting to giving instructions, I’ve made a concerted effort to be more of a listener, asking her if she seeks advice or simply needs a sympathetic ear.”

Establishing mutually agreed upon expectations for check-ins has been crucial, Jordan says: “It’s essential to be mindful of each other’s schedules and to understand that immediate responses aren’t always feasible unless there’s an emergency.”

Jordan has established a process of regular check-ins about how things are progressing, so she can be in-the-know without ever overstepping. “My daughter knows she has the freedom to discuss if and when I might need more help, or even if it would be beneficial for me to move closer to her,” she says.

Decision-Making Challenges

Wilson started the process of moving to Spain when a surprise job opportunity presented itself. “For the first time in my 27-year career, I was able to make a career decision without worrying about disrupting the kids’ connection to their school district,” she says. 

Her two youngest are still in college, but their needs are mostly financial—or the occasional quick chats for advice. When she told them about her international job transfer, one of her kids said, “As long as you can still transfer money to my account, it doesn’t matter where you live,” Wilson recalls, laughing. 

There are still many decisions ahead when it comes to how the Wilsons will create and maintain relationships with their eight adult children.

“Currently no one is married or has children yet, and time will tell where they all decide to live and build families,” Wilson says. “It’s another factor that made taking an international job assignment right now seem like the best time.”

Top takeaways

For Graab, Jordan and Wilson, the transition to empty nesting has included its fair share of tears, loss and worry—but also many joys and surprises.

As you navigate your own empty nest, seek out other empty nesters who are on the same path. Ask them questions, get their recommendations and talk about the unique challenges you’re facing. Be sure to celebrate the exciting aspects, too—you’ve earned it!

Share your experience with empty nesting in the comments below!